22 JANUARY 2022
I’m growing myself
as butterfly.
I don’t know what,
but I allow myself to create
and
creer -believe-
in everything.
To then
be able to spread my wings
fly great high
and so far away.
15 JANUARY 2022
The
Time:
distance
divided by
speed.
By definition.
The distance
from here
to my dreams,
I don’t even know.
Nor even the speed
I am approaching to them.
That’s why, I know, for sure
that this called TIME
does not really exist.
And it is as relative
as the sunrise
that every day awakes.
30 NOVEMBER 2021
At that time, for me, June was horrible. Sovereignly endure that heat at exams period was not easy as seems. Especially that year, teachers seemed to have agreed – and not for the better – to put all the exams the same week. It was my third year of college, and by far the most difficult.
I had been locked up on coffee for several weeks. I couldn’t wait for the time to come June 24th.
By the time I got home, my mother had prepared quite a feast.
I remember that pristine white tablecloth. The almost starched companion napkins all with the same shape. A display of glasses of various sizes, three plates for each person: cover plates, flat plate and deep plate. I remember the golden edges of them. And the flowers in the middle of the table.
There were two details that I especially loved: one was the doilies that covered the cups, a gold fabric with 4 tassels on the sides hanging around the cup. The other was the small side table she had set up right next to it with some snacks.
And there she was, waiting for me with her biggest smile and her arms wide open.
– Congratulations my girl!
– Why? – I asked her, a little bewildered, I didn’t understand what was to be celebrated.
– Because you’re done, at the end!
– Mom, but I still don’t even know if I’ve passed!
– What will that matter now? That will come later…
And that’s how it worked in my family. She didn’t buy me great gifts, or throw a big party. It was always her, my brother, my father and me. But she put all the heart on the table
There have been many of these times. When I passed my driver’s license – on the fourth time– and she called to Enrique so that the three of us could meet at the bar downstairs from my house. Or like when every June at the end of the course, she would pick us up and as soon as we got in the car she would yell while she clapped her hands:
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– We are on vacation!!!
As if having the whole summer ahead with us was the greatest gift for her.
Other times she would just look out the window as she was making meal, and say:
– Let’s have an aperitif– because the sun had risen, and that was more than a cause for celebration in my house.
All of this, was a long time ago. Since I left to look for myself, and look for my life. I have lived in several countries and cities, working for different companies.
Always following my career as a Biologist, which was what I had prepared myself for. Stubborn that it had to be that way, I had to make a career from what I had studied. I couldn’t throw all that effort away. As much as I didn’t like it the laboratory, nor all those endless papers that I always had to sign, or those unbearable requirements, paperwork and composure that he had to always be aware of. And I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t brave enough to quit.
But thank God, they fired me. Sometimes waiting for something serve to think about all of this. Today, waiting at the notary to sign my mother’s heritage has made me realize many things. Perhaps I am not ready to continue with my career as a Biologist, but I am sure that what my mother did prepare me for was to celebrate every seemingly insignificant and everyday thing.
That is the most important heritage that I am going to sign today.
25 AUGUST 2021
I compose things that I break
to fix them again,
that’s how I spend my time.
It is broken?
If there’s a crack
that’s how the light gets in.
It is like a void
colder than two
looking at each other
But not seeing each other.
Truly far away,
more than the hands that create it
and the bodies that inhabit it.
It comes from the first oblivion
and from the first resignation
which is almost infinite
crossing all the deserts of disagreement.
It’s dark
more than the mouth that awaits
and never comes back.
It is a constant doubt
not being able to find you,
being in the same room.
I don’t know where your courage to love me is.
has It broken? Is it broken?
Because things that get ruin
we don’t just throw away.
We have to repair them back.
03 MAY 2021
Astute and Cunning. I always search for everything. I always find the way to make it happen.
I do not know anyone who goes that deep with everything. I always keep looking .
I don’t know everything, but I seek for it.
09 JANUARY 2021
When you are no longer
And I can’t even
touch your hands
not once more.
Nor can I pinch your skin
and wrinkle it within my fingers.
And tell me no more
love you
while you intertwin your fingers with mine
and gripped them
and make me feel
like two waves
that crash at the same time
and its foam splashes
all over.
When that happens
and you are no longer,
it does not worry me.
because
your love
transcends
beyond time
and space.
Your love
is so great
and endless
that I can feel it
in every ray of sun
that rubs my face
as if your hands did it.
In every speck of dust
suspended
in that beam of light
that will fall
over my open book
on the shelf.
I will know what do you want to tell me.
Every time
something comes
into my hands
as by chance
while
it makes me a lump in my throat.
I will understand
once again
you will be there,
with me.
Your love, mom
It is not just here
in this space – planet earth –
nor only now – in this time –
It will be eternal.
29 SEPTEMBER 2020
LEO gets off the seesaw and looks at a slide from afar, he gets a little closer without taking his eyes off it. He goes to the stairs, and looks up.
He finally goes up the stairs. He holds on tight and sits at the top of the slide slowly. He stands there for a while, looking down the slide.
CARMEN:
I wouldn’t know how to answer you…Well, let me explain. At the very beginning, when you’re up. You feel so good upstairs. All you want is to throw yourself down with all your might as fast as possible. Of course, yes, we all want to run at first. You are at the key point, in ecstasy. Then you let go. Thinking you still want more.
LEO pushes himself, lets go and with his arms up goes down the slide very excited.
CARMEN:
You go at full speed, for it all. But you still want more. You want to stay there forever, if that’s possible.
LEO suddenly reaches the bottom of the slide and slam on the brakes. He still remains stands but his mood radically changes.
CARMEN:
When all of a sudden, you run into the flat part and you stop suddenly. It even seems that you have been trapped. You want to push yourself and get out of there. But the feeling of emptiness and disappointment prevent you from getting up. It has lasted as long as a sigh! How can people feel good about it? You end up pushing yourself as best you can with your hands and feet to get out of there as soon as possible, before anyone noticing your disappointment.
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LEO pushes himself strongly with his hands, with effort he gets to stand up. He looks both ways to see who’s there. He begins to walk slowly with her head looking at the ground.
LEO keeps walking, slowly moving away from the slide. Each time we see LEO and the slide further away until we see him on a television screen.
The shot continues to zoom out until we see CARMEN in a living room with straight white and medium-length hair that is very well combed, her green eyes with natural makeup stand out, she is wearing tidy but sober clothes and LEO with dark hair combed back with slightly long hair, his green eyes stand out with his slightly brown skin. CARMEN and LEO are sitting on a sofa.
There is a low table with some snacks and a glass of wine.
LEO sits up and picks up the glass, drinks. While CARMEN looks at him with a glass of wine in her hand.
CARMEN:
That honey…
This is Love.
At first it leaves us on the crest of the wave. We lack minutes in the day to spend with that person. We become insatiable, we devour ourselves, but we want more and faster.
You don’t have eyes for anyone else. In fact, you don’t see anything else.
And as the usual story, everything seems perfect.
Until we hit the flat part. Routine. And we slam on the breaks, we refuse to budge.
Where is the magic here? If we just started and we’re already finished. It has been more than fleeting, ephemeral. How has this happened?
That’s when you are torn between pushing yourself a little harder to try to get out of the rut, or get the hell out of there and never try again.
CARMEN gets up and leaves the glass on the table. She gets closer to LEO on the couch and takes his hand.
CARMEN:
This could have been the shortest trip of your life.
In the end, throw yourself down a slide which can last, 20 seconds?
But you can always get up from there, look at the stairs again and say: let’s feel that ecstasy again! I’m getting on this one more time.
Believe me, you can renew your illusions and try again once again.
You can make this short trip as long as you want.
LEO gets off the seesaw and looks at a slide from afar, he gets a little closer without taking his eyes off it. He goes to the stairs, and looks up.
He finally goes up the stairs. He holds on tight and sits at the top of the slide slowly. He stands there for a while, looking down the slide.
CARMEN:
I wouldn’t know how to answer you…Well, let me explain. At the very beginning, when you’re up. You feel so good upstairs. All you want is to throw yourself down with all your might as fast as possible. Of course, yes, we all want to run at first. You are at the key point, in ecstasy. Then you let go. Thinking you still want more.
LEO pushes himself, lets go and with his arms up goes down the slide very excited.
CARMEN:
You go at full speed, for it all. But you still want more. You want to stay there forever, if that’s possible.
LEO suddenly reaches the bottom of the slide and slam on the brakes. He still remains stands but his mood radically changes.
CARMEN:
When all of a sudden, you run into the flat part and you stop suddenly. It even seems that you have been trapped. You want to push yourself and get out of there. But the feeling of emptiness and disappointment prevent you from getting up. It has lasted as long as a sigh! How can people feel good about it? You end up pushing yourself as best you can with your hands and feet to get out of there as soon as possible, before anyone noticing your disappointment.
Read more
LEO pushes himself strongly with his hands, with effort he gets to stand up. He looks both ways to see who’s there. He begins to walk slowly with her head looking at the ground.
LEO keeps walking, slowly moving away from the slide. Each time we see LEO and the slide further away until we see him on a television screen.
The shot continues to zoom out until we see CARMEN in a living room with straight white and medium-length hair that is very well combed, her green eyes with natural makeup stand out, she is wearing tidy but sober clothes and LEO with dark hair combed back with slightly long hair, his green eyes stand out with his slightly brown skin. CARMEN and LEO are sitting on a sofa.
There is a low table with some snacks and a glass of wine.
LEO sits up and picks up the glass, drinks. While CARMEN looks at him with a glass of wine in her hand.
CARMEN:
That honey…
This is Love.
At first it leaves us on the crest of the wave. We lack minutes in the day to spend with that person. We become insatiable, we devour ourselves, but we want more and faster.
You don’t have eyes for anyone else. In fact, you don’t see anything else.
And as the usual story, everything seems perfect.
Until we hit the flat part. Routine. And we slam on the breaks, we refuse to budge.
Where is the magic here? If we just started and we’re already finished. It has been more than fleeting, ephemeral. How has this happened?
That’s when you are torn between pushing yourself a little harder to try to get out of the rut, or get the hell out of there and never try again.
CARMEN gets up and leaves the glass on the table. She gets closer to LEO on the couch and takes his hand.
CARMEN:
This could have been the shortest trip of your life.
In the end, throw yourself down a slide which can last, 20 seconds?
But you can always get up from there, look at the stairs again and say: let’s feel that ecstasy again! I’m getting on this one more time.
Believe me, you can renew your illusions and try again once again.
You can make this short trip as long as you want.
06 SEPTEMBER 2020
I want to see myself as you
I want to be you.
Although the way it’s gonna be hard
and at the end
it comes to be
little more the same
than anything else.
At least, being you
living in you,
a day would be a life
and it would make all the sense
that I am looking for mine.
17 AGOSTO 2020
30 JUNE 2020
– Today is especially beautiful – emphasizes Greta.
Carlos looks, but he doesn’t say anything, just smiles.
– Look there, that cloud… I think I have never seen that color in my life – If I stare too long, I can feel like it catches me. As if I could take a step from here and get on it.
– I don’t know if I’m going to stop coming, huh? You’re a bit weird… first talking to strangers and then this…
– Am I the weird one? – It’s the people who don’t really stop to see. Most people look but do not see. They go out for a walk but they are not able to stop to see the colors that are in the sky that day, or to touch the flowers when it has rained and feel the rain through them. The smell is that strong that sometimes it gets through the nose to the mouth and it seems to me that I can even chew it… chew the flowers, think about it.
22 MAY 2020
I love when you touch my face, and you make me warm. I feel sheltered by your arms, it makes me smile. It is the most absolute simplicity and the most palpable beauty. So much so that sometimes it blinds me. It is incredible how you determine and limit my days, my time and my space too.
When you least expect it, the sun rises.
05 MARCH 2020
I want to undertake, a journey. I am sure it will be long,
risky and hard. But I want to feel alive. That it is a privilege.
It is time to take risks,
to start again,
to wake up each morning
without knowing
whether you will write something good enough
in order to have a salary
at the end of the month.
There is nothing better
than feel uncertainty,
but feel alive.
13 SEPTEMBER 2019
It is something really special for me.
Long ago I was in a similar situation when my father got sick. The hardest thing for us was not being able to do those daily mundane things…we used to love going out on rainy days and waiting until the rain stopped to see the rainbow after all.
When he could not get out of bed anymore, I gave him this prism so that we could continue seeing the rainbow even in his hospital room. Now, I give this to you, use it when you need to see light in those hardest moments…